Wash Away My Sanity
by notyourgirl
Summary: Tanis finally opens up and shows who she really is. TC, One Shot, R&R.


_Disclaimer:_ don't own the characters etc.

_A/N:_ "Wash away my sanity" is from the Hilary Duff song Come Clean. I love vulnerable!Tanis so I just had to write this. Originally written for the Rainy Day Challenge.

The rain poured down onto Cascadia's grounds, drenching everything in its path. The trees were dripping with water, and the grass was squishy and wet. There's something about the sound of rain. It's almost peaceful. It washes away everything, even the stuff you didn't want to get rid of in the first place. Then everything is returned to its original state. Sometimes rain is followed by a rainbow, sometimes heavy winds. It all depends on the storm. Some people hide from the rain, because they are afraid to get wet. They're afraid to let the water soak into their skin and leave them bare and vulnerable.

Tanis McTaggert sat on a porch as she watched the rain fall down. She liked coming out in the rain sometimes, when nobody was around. It was a chance for her to be lost in her thoughts, and to feel her emotions in her fingers and in her toes. She twirled her fingers through her hair as she listened to the comforting sound of the droplets hitting the pavement.

Her mind floated from subject to subject: tennis, Cameron, the future, Cameron, her biology paper, Cameron… Even though she tried to pull her mind in the opposite direction, she couldn't stop thinking about him. She kept replaying last years events over and over in her mind. She remembered how he got jealous of Justin after they first met. She giggled at this memory. Giggling wasn't something that she did very often. She thought about how he tried to give her tulips, but she found out too late. Then, like a disease, the memory she had been trying all summer to forget creeped into her mind. Cameron kissing Adena at the court. Even though she had forgiven Adena, she still couldn't forget what had happened.

Suddenly Tanis heard the door creep open, but she didn't have to turn around to see who it was. When Cameron was around, it was like her whole body knew. She stiffened and stood up straight.

"Hey Cam." She became slightly worried that he could read her mind.

"Tanis what are you doing out here?" He turned to face her.

"Just watching the rain."

He sat down next to her, "listen, there's something I want to talk to you about."

"What is it?"

"Well, its about…" he paused.

"About what?"

"About…about…" Tanis had never seen him this nervous before. "About what happened last year, between Adena and I."

Tanis turned away. Anger was rushing through her body. She could feel it all over. She began pinching the skin on her hand, trying to numb the pain.

"SO?" she responded not bothering the hide her emotions.

"I just…"

"YOU JUST WHAT CAM? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BRING THAT UP AGAIN?"

Cameron reached forward to touch her hand, but she pushed him away, "I wanted to talk about it."

"WHY? SO YOU COULD MAKE ME FEEL EVEN WORSE?" She stopped talking. She'd never actually brought her feelings into an argument before. She wished she could take back what she just said.

"I thought you were over it."

She couldn't speak. All she wanted to do was to get away. She couldn't look at him. She couldn't look at herself. She wanted to be anywhere but there right now. Tanis stood up and began to walk out into the rain.

Cameron grabbed her arm, "where are you going? You can't go out in that rain."

She pulled her arm back, "I just need to get away from you."

She ran. She ran as fast as she could. She was barefoot, so the grass was squishing through her toes. But she didn't care. She just had to get away; away from tennis, away from Adena, away from Cascadia, and away from Cameron.

She was completely soaked by now, water was dripping down her face. She began to slow down to catch her breath, and she noticed a picnic table under a tree. She sat down. It seemed like a good place to hide for now, after all nobody would come out in the rain.

She sat there for a long time, or at least it seemed like it. She didn't have a watch on her so she couldn't tell whether she'd been there for ten minutes or ten hours. The rain was getting heavier. Tanis could barely see two feet in front of her. Her body began to shiver. She knew the logical thing to do would be to go back to Cascadia and apologize, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Deep down, she knew Cameron technically didn't do anything wrong. He didn't know how she felt. Nobody knew. Everybody just thought that she was this angry tough girl, because she didn't dare let them inside. She didn't know what people would think about the real Tanis McTaggert, but she didn't really want to find out. Inside Tanis is girly. She is self conscious. She is free. Outside she is strong. She is independent. She is guarded.

Suddenly she heard a noise. It sounded like a branch being split in two. She turned around.

"Is anybody there?" she shouted, but she doubted anyone could hear her over the pounding sound of the rain. She stood up to get a better look around. She squinted her eyes to try and make out the figure she saw in the distance. It looked like he was holding an umbrella, but she couldn't make out his face.

"Cameron?" she yelled into the rain.

"Tanis, is that you?" Cameron ran towards her and handed her his umbrella.

She backed away, "you didn't have to come here you know. I can take care of myself."

"I know you can take care of yourself Tanis, but are you sure you really want to?"

"Of course I'm sure. You can take your umbrella and leave now." She turned to go and sit down on the picnic table.

"Tanis, your soaking wet. Come back inside."

"No."

"Why not?"

"I don't know. Maybe I don't want to."

Cameron walked towards Tanis and sat beside her. She looked down at the ground, trying to focus all her attention on each individual blade of grass. She was still shivering, but she was desperately trying to make her body stop.

"Do you want my jacket?" Cameron asked.

"No."

Cameron ignored her and wrapped his jacket around her shoulders anyway. She gave him a look of disgust, but kept the jacket. She knew her body needed it.

"Why are you even here?" Tanis asked, "I already told you to get lost."

"Are you sure you really mean that?"

"Of course I'm sure!"

"There isn't anything you want to talk about."

"No," Tanis paused, "Well actually, yes there is." She turned to face him. "Why did you even think to bring up the Adena thing?"

"Do you want the truth?"

"Obviously! I am a big girl Cameron. I can take it. You don't have to treat me like some helpless cheerleader."

Cameron took a deep breath, "Alright. In that moment, when I kissed Adena, I only did it because she reminded me of you."

"Oh that is such a line! I SAID I wanted the truth Cam."

"It IS the truth. I wanted to tell you that it meant nothing to me. And now that you are over it, or at least that's what I thought, maybe we could start over."

"Maybe you could leave me alone." Tanis rolled her eyes at him. He couldn't possibly think that she would actually believe all this.

Cameron stood up. She hadn't noticed how drenched he was until now. He looked sweet. He looked like he really cared about her.

"Fine Tanis, if you don't want to open up to me, that's fine. Because you know what? I really care about you, and I'm really trying here. But you're just so stubborn. You wont even forgive me for something that happened months ago. I know you better than anyone at Cascadia, but I'm starting to wonder whether I really do know who you truly are."

That was when the change happened. Just like that. They both stopped talking. Tanis noticed the water dripping from his shirt. For the first time since she'd been at Cascadia, she took a deep breath and relaxed. She relaxed her fingers and her toes. She relaxed her face and neck. She relaxed her mind, until all of the negative stuff had washed away.

She stood up and walked towards him, "you know who I am Cameron. You may not know everything, but you know the important stuff. Maybe I was afraid to open up to you. Maybe I was afraid how you would react if you saw the real me."

"You shouldn't be afraid."

"I know."

Instinctively she reached out her hand and grasped his. They stood like that for a few seconds with the rain still falling on them. Then, like in a movie, Tanis placed her other hand on his shoulder. She felt more brave and daring than she'd ever had. Cameron leaned down and their lips met. Tanis moaned and pulled her body closer to him. She ran her hands down his back as she felt him respond. They kissed and kissed and kissed. Tanis had never wanted anyone more in her life. They awkwardly moved towards the picnic table, and she sat on his lap. She wrapped her one arm around his back, while the other stroked his cheek.

"I wish we could stay here forever" she whispered as her wet hair brushed against his cold skin.

"Me too." he said as he pulled her closer.

Tanis and Cameron stayed out in the rain for about an hour before they both realised that they should shower before dinner. Cameron suggested that they share this experience but Tanis just smiled at him slyly. They reluctantly walked back to Cascadia, sneaking kisses along the way.

As late afternoon approached the rain died down. Tanis lay on her bed reliving everything that had happened in the day. She smiled as she remembered what he smelled like, what he felt like, and how he tasted. Adena was sitting across the room reading, something she didn't do very often.

Tanis heard a knock at the door, so she went to go see who it was. She walked over to the door and opened it, only to find that nobody was there. She looked down and noticed a cardboard box. It looked rather plain, but on the top it said "To Tanis." She brought it inside and sat down on her bed to open it. She pulled it open and looked to see what was there. Inside was a rubber duck with a note. The note read "just a souvenir." It wasn't signed, but Tanis knew who it was from nonetheless. She placed it on her bedside table, and couldn't stop smiling.

"Hey Tanis!" said Adena who was standing by the window now, "come and look!"

"Look at what?"

"Outside, in the sky, there's a rainbow!"

Tanis walked over beside Adena and sure enough saw the rainbow. It was surprisingly clear in the grey sky. Each colour was bright and radiant.

"Have you ever seen anything so beautiful?" Adena asked eagerly.

Tanis laughed, "Sort of."


End file.
